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FRIDAY FUNNY: Workplace One Liners

Written by Heidi Schwartz. Posted in FacilityBlog, Featured Post, Friday Funny, Professional Development, Topics

Tagged: , ,

Published on November 16, 2012 with 1 Comment

These little workplace humor tidbits were originally posted by Lane Olinghouse. Feel free to add your own in the comments section or share over the table at Thanksgiving (or any family dinner, for that matter).

A company installed a new security system. Now all the doors are alarmed.

We don’t know which is worse – having more problems than solutions or more solutions than problems.

We learn from our mistakes – and never lack for study material.

You can tell when something is an office secret: it’s whispered from person to person.

Anyone who wants a rush job really badly will more than likely get it that way.

It seems we have a few tasks around here so simple some people can perform them in their sleep.

Some days it seems we have nothing but bad breaks and coffee breaks.

We react to a crisis with the utmost decorum. The shouting and screaming are only coincidental.

Someone in administration put up a sign reading “Think!” and would like to know who added: “Or Thwim!”

We hope we have put up an adequate number of exit and directional signs so no one will have any trouble getting lost.

The boss frowns on anyone yelling: “Hey Weirdo!” He says too many people look up from their work.

When things go wrong, there’s usually plenty of blame to go around – no need for one person to hog it all.

Photo: Heidi Schwartz

We have at least six ways to get outside: The front entrance, the back entrance, three side entrances – and dial nine.

It’s always a race to get everything sorted out before everyone gets out of sorts.

Things really haven’t gotten worse. We’ve just improved our inter-departmental communication skills.

Anything that could possibly go wrong often does – as well as a thing or two that couldn’t possibly.

Despite appearances to the contrary, we would not rather be wrong than quiet.

We all wish for the kind of computer that, when a mistake occurs, it can put the blame where it belongs: on another computer.

About Heidi Schwartz

Heidi Schwartz

Schwartz joined Group C Media in April 1989 as managing editor of Today's Facility Manager (TFM) magazine (formerly Business Interiors) where she was subsequently promoted to editor/co-publisher of the monthly trade magazine for facility management professionals. In September 2012, she took over the newly created position of internet director for TFM's parent company, Group C Media, where she is charged with developing content and creating online strategies for TFM and its sister publication, Business Facilities. Schwartz can be reached at

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1 Comment

There are currently 1 Comment on FRIDAY FUNNY: Workplace One Liners. Perhaps you would like to add one of your own?

  1. Sometimes it feels like pulling the load of an oxe, while walking on egg shells

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