FRIDAY FUNNY: The Laws Of Work According To Dilbert

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This Friday Funny is inspired by the Friday Funny Mailing List, but has been combined with selections from this list to emphasize subjects nearest and dearest to the hearts of facilities management professionals.

  • Tell me what you need and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
  • Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
  • Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  • I don’t suffer from stress. I am merely a carrier.
  • Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
  • A pat on the back is only a few centimeters away from a kick in the butt.
  • Don’t be irreplaceable – if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
  • The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
  • There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
  • Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
  • To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
  • Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
  • If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
  • You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
  • No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
  • People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.
  • If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  • When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  • Following the rules will not get the job done.
  • Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
  • The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

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One Response
  1. Abraham Peter says:

    please i will love to add some of your nugget here in my book.

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